"I had an abusive childhood, and abusive situations are what I crave."
"When I was younger, if I told my mom that I was angry at her, she sometimes punched me, she sometimes stopped feeding me, she sometimes stopped paying for basic medical care or college."
Here is an excerpt of Aunt Brie's blog from August 20, 2019:
All My Life, I've Wanted Unconditional Love
August 20, 2019
"The truth is, I am a women who has a lot of conflicts with other women. I don’t know if this is normal, or if there is something wrong with me. I don’t have a good barometer for what normal is because I grew up in a very fucked up family. Last week, at the rehearsal dinner for my brother’s wedding, my mother wore a cableknit sweater in 85 degree heat, and sang off-tune lullabies to my niece rather than say hi to the guests who were approaching her to shake her hand. If my mother reads that last sentence, there is a good chance she will stop talking to me for many months, even though that means that she will not see her grandchildren, who love her."
"Last night, when I was formulating this post, which isn’t even a good post, I wrote that all of my realizations are therapy 101. I had an abusive childhood, and abusive situations are what I crave. I learned that expressing negative emotions leads to violence and hatred. When I was younger, if I told my mom that I was angry at her, she sometimes punched me, she sometimes stopped feeding me, she sometimes stopped paying for basic medical care or college.
My struggle is now that I’m a mother, I need to find a way to have healthy relationships with other people. With Caleb, with my friends, with my community, even the assholes within it. And not healthy in the sense that we’re best friends with everyone, but healthy in the sense that we build and nourish the good relationships, and learn how to build strong, fierce and kind boundaries against the bad ones. But how to tell the difference when you’re a fucked up person?"
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